Upside down smile…
Everything is all better when you have a friend by your side the makes you laugh, but when your by yourself its a whole different story. The best you can do is write your feelings down in this little book with all your emotions trapped up inside of it. It feels like the worlds crashing down on you, with everything or everyone screwing you over. Only having that one friend walking next to you at school, being considered a loner and always will be. On your own since second grade with all the strange events that took over your life, that made you into this person you are today. Life is measured in different ways. Some are happy, other are sad. You set your mood, and from here on out I’m gonna try my hardest to smile, and act like everything is going alright for me. Sometimes its alright to cry, but everyday is too much. It’s good to let your emotions flow out of your body, to show you’re sad, you don’t have the right brain cells to tell you that your gonna be okay. Everything’s going to get worse before it gets better, Happy endings are possible.
Heart to come unglued.
Defeating the purpose of sadness, and taking it to a whole different level. Stress piling up on you, that finally you just break out and cry and can’t find the right thing to think of that makes you think, everything will get better, and this uncomfortable feeling is just for the ‘meantime’ , and after the pain you will smile, but it never happens. The best you can do, is find a song that fits all the emotions running through your head and listen to it over and over, until the situation is done. Your parents or guardians sitting at your shoulder asking you whats wrong, when they are honestly the last person* you want to talk to. When really you just want a friend by your side or that right person fighting this mess with you. You can’t fight a battle by yourself. It’s deserving to have that one person who always has your back. Even for the ‘bad guys’ No one should have to go through the sake of being lonely. The world is a beautiful place, with messy situations. You can only hope for the best, but what if you have no more hope left? what if those encouraging words left your system and your stuck with only UN-optimistic words? What if you just want to give up and don’t have faith for the future? it’s all a what if thing’. Because from where I’m standing I don’t know if I can handle feeling sharp sadness. It’s one thing if you have a stomach ache, but its another thing when its coming from whats all inside your head and its causing your heart to come unglued. Only strengthening words is the best thing you can hear and sad little sappy quotes. Or a good goodluck</3.
Closing the door.
I’ve grown use to this personality that I’ve held for years, I realized no matter how much I say I can change, I’ll still be this person. The shy little girl that sits in her room writing in her journal, that is over sensitive and gives her self a hard time, whom always will have major trust issues but letting people take advantage of that and making worth the regrets for the stupidity that was made. The choices I brought on for myself, just to get hurt and feel used. The key of it all though, is I’m living in the past, everything that has happened. My Grammy and Grandpa that I spent my life at, passing away. Loosing important family that I grew up with not even getting to say good bye and not understand what just happened, having just a mom and dad, who split up, growing up with one friend only, if I can handle and live through all that, than I can handle boys taking advantage of me, people talking about me, and what I’ve done ‘stating’ the fact of the matter that I’m not the innocent little girl that they thought I was. But me, I know who I am and I know what I do, which can be concluded to dumb thing I’ve done and having no usage of brain in the situations I dig a whole for. There’s a difference between a middle school girl and High school girl. They grow older, they most often look different, they dress different, but that won’t stop me from having this since of personality, that I just wish I could erase…
The bad guy.
The situations where people only see one side of the story, and don’t understand all the suffrage that you are being put through, and you are getting blamed for the cause of the others emotions. Feelings that you wish didn’t exist, the ones that bring your confidence level to a low esteem. Your the bad guy, not she or he. You have no feelings, your the one that messed everything up, that hurt everyone else, that brings scars, but when really its the choice of the matter, you have to start suiting your self, you can’t live off what others want. No one understands what you’re going through, and no-one understands that you’re upset, and whether what they think or not your aware of your actions. Speaking before thinking always consists more problems, but thinking before speaking isn’t even better. You thought it through, you made your choice, but you’re still not going to be the good guy, you’re gonna be the one who will regret trying, the one who try’s there hardest to make life fall into one category, the category where your not afraid to say, I live for what I want, not for you. This life was desginated for me, not for you to decide what I do, how I do things. You can dislike, you can keep those thoughts to yourself, but no reason to exploit them for the others to get hurt in the meantime. Some people could care less, but if your sensitive like the person I was brought out to be, you’re gonna take it to the heart. You’re going to take the stress and top it off one another and end up felling like the bad guy in the mean run. NO reason for that.
